Welcome to my music page 
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this section is still under construction :)
I first came across this song around 2020 through nightcore (I listened to the version sung by Megan Nicole)
this section is still under construction :)
Welcome to my writing page 
I write poetry, books, song lyrics, short stories, speeches etc! But here I'll mostly only be displaying book snippets and my poetry :) I've been writing poems since I was around 10 years old to cope (NO ONE is seeing my cringy old poetry lol!), and I guess the habit has stuck around, so now I write occasionally, whenever inpiration hits.
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“im sorry.”
well? do you still think of that moment?
where the sun sets and your eyes combust
into a flame of colours, gone, in the stars.
clarity, i need clarity.
if the incorrect cannot be corrected,
and each wrong never to be righted,
how can one seek the haze of complacency?
the bitter sense of control you impose on me;
it hurts, please, what is the enemy?
adoration, immolation, my thoughts, retracted.
my voice? you loathe it.
and now the sunsets some place i cannot go
your casket a reservoir for my tears,
this empty hollow in my soul, that you mended, later tore;
tell me, why do you exist as if you don’t?
poetry’s all that’s left.
the last hope, could it be?
might i stay the beacon set in stone,
might i stay with orbs, illuminating the sky, they are.
i shall not stay.
feeling down is a cruise ship, waving.
slipping down into the depths of hell,
hitting rock bottom on board, reeking.
these roses are so pretty, just like me.
if only my thorns wouldn’t prick, such a pity.
admiration so foreign, whistling off the tongue.
blinking eyes stare, change is about to come
unnoticeably, i have associated death with your name.
sentenced for life? i don’t want to be.
leave me alone; dear demon or for none.
enlighten me; how do i not think at all?
they were mere tools,
all to satiate one ego.
forlorn ways or food,
they’re at the dinner-top.
waiting for the eyes that won’t meet,
the retching of a total plead.
so to say, what’s it to you?
unsatisfied with your greed,
burdened by null hypothesis.
this arm is just one less to feed.
pray tell, you do not think.
at all, at all, none at all.
for these are the words;
inked and written in fine print.
do not hang it up for display
expectations that reap and sow
causing even the wind to bleed
once again it is my delusion that by hearing my pain you’ll come to.
but what use is a song that cannot even reach you?
oh but I’m not sad I’m devastated.
the outcome of this is undecided again,
again.
i don’t like that word.
it implies a cycle,
a deadline, an end.
one that leaves a fire dead.
maybe ultimately, you were never meant to hear this
but who cares about fate if it was made to be defied?
who cares about your lies that I’ve sought to disguise?
who cares about these petty feelings that I cannot hide?
nonexistent.
is that what you make of me?
There's something so magical about this moment that makes me want to hug time itself.
The car alarms blaring, french love songs and their melodies so tangible I never want to leave.
The standard ticking of raindrops falling to the screens and outside lenses looking in - to this exhibit showcasing me.
If only I could sleep here in peace for eternity - What's oxygen on the weekend?
Let me suffocate. I want to leave.
1 - Supernova
2 - Honey
3 - Little Girl
4 - Peace
5 - Packet Switching
6 - Wings
Disclaimer: Below contains graphic / gorey descriptions and touches on suicide / sh. Do not proceed if you think it would take you to a bad headspace! Take care of yourself ❤️
im going to [] myself,
I really will.
I won’t warn you this time.
there’s nothing much more poetic than this,
taking death’s hand, because it doesn’t exist.
it’s cold, his heart; it sings, it bleeds.
I’ve never existed, not really.
see, it drills a hole in my skull
i sit and i wait and i wait and it glows
midas, please, turn me to gold.
you’ll burn bright, now don’t you dare implode.
until the night sky shines with all your brilliance,
supernova, i promise, you’ll be forgiven
your light? it’s remembered.
reasons to [] as trophies on display
take my [].
that’s the price I wish to pay.
alongside this curated, noble purpose,
you’re ridiculous.
what if I cut myself?
would I have bled?
or would gold have dripped
molten, sweet.
its honeyed metal
thick with lustre.
it glimmers like stars,
like your eyes when it’s dawn.
a reminder you’ve carved,
though I can’t see at all.
so it falls
slow, taunting.
d
r
i
p.
pleading to the gods above,
about my very first love -
me.
and the dripping honey.
tangential and oh, so sweet,
that fortunately, i can only repeat.
I was crafting what to do.
Should I write a note?
What would they say?
If I were to use a rope,
How would it hang?
Or if I peered down the slope,
slipped a foot up the threshold,
and let myself plummet,
down a never ending sinkhole?
These were the thoughts that plagued my mind.
An endless whisper, lost to time.
I used to peer down at that arm.
To watch how the water flows through each crevice.
It’s not bright red like the stories.
It’s dull, in theory, even in its ache.
I still wonder if it would’ve killed me.
But of course it wouldn’t.
Because you would’ve done it first.
Grabbed me by the throat and sliced myself apart.
But now my head hurts.
And I peer behind my shoulder.
Because I’m scared.
I’m scared that I’m being watched.
Maybe it’s no longer in death.
Because you scream, and you beg,
and yet.
You look through your fingers to see crossed legs,
A white t-shirt and black tie.
Maybe that is peace -
To sit within, and close your eyes.
if I screamed now,
would you hear me?
or would it be
washed away,
data signals
transmitted in
disarray.
I’m pained.
I’m so, so pained.
but you wouldn’t see it,
because it’s paint.
They told me, eventually, I’d hit concrete ground.
But they shot my wings, and I’m tumbling down.
Free, free fall, falling.
I’m free falling down the sky.
And yet I can’t see the line
Between angels and god
And this shallow time.
I could’ve thought it through,
I should’ve thought it through.
But my mind is visceral and loud
And it’s screaming at me
Just to get this out.
They told me, eventually, my head would split open.
And the concrete would receive a bloody kiss.
But how can it
When it doesn’t exist?
I’m free falling,
and there’s not even an exit.
Because winged creatures soar.
So I soar, I’m flying high.
And the sun, it burns.
But my life? It’s your design.
And so now I cry,
Because how can I finally die
When all this while
I haven’t been alive?