be brave17.sep.25 sun

Dear Diary,

Okay, safe to say that I did not reflip my sleep schedule? I mean, I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't sleep last night. I woke up at 12a.m. as I assume I've noted in my previous entry, and I tried to fall back asleep at around 4a.m., but I was tossing and turning in bed for 3-4 hours. I thought, "ok, I CAN theoretically take this time to do add math, or bio anki, or past papers, or literally anything productive, but that would mean not actually trying to sleep and reflipping my sleep schedule is just as important as revision right now."

So. Safe to say I did nothing but shut my eyes and lay still (actually, tossing n turning aforementioned, but. mostly tried to lay still!) for 3-4 hours. Obviously I feel very guilty about it, but I'll try to make up for it later. I say later because I'm not planning on sleeping to ACTUALLY reflip my sleep schedule this time (currently 5.45a.m. n.d.).

I just did the 15min arm workout (I did this today morning too) + 5min of the second part, and I can actually feel my biceps + triceps again 😉 I also did around 14 bio anki cards + my remaining anki review, and also finished watching the Harvard CS50P lecture on loops! Dude, as I was watching I was thinking, "I'm going to shoot my cs teacher in the FOOT" cuz DUDE. The lecture taught building arrays in a more complex yet simple way somehow?? What my teacher taught me was a list within a list and dictionaries as a separate thing, and of course he introduced me to the idea of nested for loops (which I still hate, but kind of getting it now! like if it's for i in range(3), i is basically 1, then 2, then 3.

There are actually a ton of things swirling around in my mind right now about this day that I really want to note down, lol. So here's a little list just for convenience:

Okay so I just want to preface this by saying it's actually 19.sep.25, 3.03a.m. right now, but I'm still typing up this day's entry cuz yk, like I said, few things swirling around in my mind about it, that are not necessarily important, but I do really want to remember them.

So! Continuing on the CS50P commentary, as I watching the lecture I thought, "okay, I already learnt this about python by building projects" so I wanted to try and apply what I've learnt to solve the problems presented in the lecture, one of them being printing 3 hashes (#) each on separate rows, basically printing a column. SO I tried to do this: print("#" * 3, sep="\n"), but obviously that didn't work. My reasoning for why it didn't work is cuz the "#" * 3 expression is seen as one string so even by changing the separator, it will be on the same line? Just a logical assumption. I wanted to try out using the separator because it' snew syntax! Before the lecture I was only doing end="" and my teacher wasn't teaching me this syntax that can be applied to another context?! (Not blaming my teach, BUT STILL yes I AM complaining lol).

Anyway, the main takeaway from this is in the lecture, the prof used print("#\n" * 3) as one of the solutions, but why does this not output \n as part of the string? Does it just not register it within quotation marks? Actually, I do vaguely remember the first lecture addressing this, i.e. what if you need to actually print \n or actually print quotation marks, so maybe I just need a refresh, but yeah, definitely a little shocking to me.

Okay NEXT. The "be brave" dream. Basically, I was in a school, quite desolate and emoty yet full and crowded at the same time. It had a similar layout to my primary school, but it had a very different part of it. Actually, I'm not sure if the school was part of the "be brave" dream, but it did have a school element to it, so maybe it was a continuation of that previous dream (I think I've had that same school seting twice. I usually do have dreams in school settings but, different school landscape, yk?).

So in the dream I was defeating a monster (my guess is that this came from the fact that after I woke up at 12a.m., I decided to go onto Betwixt, this mental health app that uses storytelling for healing with the most gorgeous UI I've ever seen, especially after I've basically left it to collect dust for months? I played the latest "dream" (that's what they call a "chapter" there), but quickly realised I've already played it before), and there was someone else with me, another teenager, he was also helping me defeat the monster. I do vaguely remember him being a guy I was close to, but I can't seem to remember his name. I think I did call out his name in the dream, just like an action movie (like when ladybug calls for chat noir). We eventually subdued the monster and we high-fived, and we walked out of the building with the monster in (it was green btw). But as soon as I exited, I had this weird sinking intuition that something was incomplete. Surely it wasn't that easy?

Sure enough, the monster came back. It roared, and that seems kind of silly, but that’s actually what I heard. It grew larger. It went unrestrained, it broke free of its “cage” (we aka me and that boy put him in a small room that looked like a hospital room except completely empty). It rampaged the streets. Imagine godzilla but without the loud heavy footsteps and make him elusive.

Everyone was evacuating and a handful of people got evacuated into this cafe that was acting as a temporary safety shelter, including me. This is the moment I remember most distinctly and at the time I thought, “I must remember this after I wake up.”

I was actually shaking because of how scared I was. Everyone was panicking inside and outside. The AC in this cafe was too cool. But then I shut my eyes and told myself, “be brave.” And I also did box breathing (YES that technique my therapist loves to remind me of…) and it actually worked in the dream. I ran outside to face the monster because I needed to help.

I immediately gave directions to backup; run in opposite directions, with me straight to the monster. I used this tactic to observe the monster, and found that when people disturbed the changelings (idk how I came up w that name it was intuitive), aka the little small furry monsters that are a part of the larger godzilla-like monster, its attention was momentarily diverted toward said channeling so I quickly instructed one backup member to grab a changeling and run and as they did that I grabbed another and quickly locked it away as the monster wasn’t looking, and there was two remaining, I remember I wanted to use the same strategy again but quickly realised if I did, there would be no way to lock away the second one, so I instructed the backup members to take two on them and run in opposite directions and while the monster is distracted, I slay it, but before I could, I woke up. :(

END Log - ??

guilty dramatic
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